Year End Thoughts: Something Unusual, Something Cute and Something Special

For an end of the year treat, I offer three videos: Two women getting into a tiny plastic box (together), kittens singing "Old Lang Syne" and a sexy woman with Usher music. Does it get any better than this? I don't think so.

These two young women will take 5+ minutes of your life if you watch all of this video. Fast forwarding will let you get the gist of this: They're limber! And I have a problem sitting in the back set of a mid size car.

The only justification for this is the cute factor. Singing cats, what else do you need to know?

This one is pretty amazing from a purely aesthetic point of view. Actually, if we could combine this woman with the first video and have cats singing an Usher song in the background, I could die happy.

Have a safe and happy new year. Let's roll 'em and be careful out here. (Hill Street Blues reference. God, I'm old.)

Peace. Out.

Last Minute Shopping Idea

Ok, guys, as a public (pubic?) service to you in the event that you have not completed your shopping for that significant other in your life, I suggest the Vajazzler. Yep, it's applying rhinestones to the female nether region or "rhinies to your hiney". Here's an example:

Now, this would be totally useless unless we could come up with a large number of taglines for this product, so in addition to the "rhinies for your hiney" thing above, I suggest:

• Bling for your thing
• Glitz for your bits
• Shine for your 'gine
• Art for your part
• Diamond for your hymen
• Glow for your ho'
• Pretty for your kitty
• Gem for your trim
• Radiance for your ladiance
• Rocks for your box
• Power for your flower

I'm sure the collective creativeness of this vast blog readership can come up with more. Leave 'em in the comments.

Peace. Out.

How To Save $4050 Immediately And Not Involve A Nigerian Prince

Say you wanted to see 270 movies this year. At about $8 a pop plus $7 for treats (conservative, 15 kernels of old popcorn retails for apx. $10), you would spend $4050 to see said 270 movies. Some nice people have edited the best parts of the 2010 crop and put it into a 6 minute video. Did I also mention that you also saved about 540 hours and didn't have to watch the bad parts of a lot of crappy movies? I know. You're welcome.

Peace. Out.

Piss The Season To Be Jowley (I Don't Know What This Means Either)

Those of the many readers of this blog who know me personally know that I give a great deal of my time, money and effort to charitable causes. One of the many things I like to do is dress up in a Santa suit and spread joy and cheer through parking decks around the city. To show my dedication to this morale raiser, I offer a video made by a friend of mine who is a security guard to show how good I am at this. My act varies according to locale and medication levels but in this one I help moisturize a couple of places to bring that ole holiday aroma to the area, I try to give a stalled motorist a push with my face and I engage in some good spirited holiday jostling with an appreciative couple. I should get an award for this but my counselor says I should just increase my Antabuse dosage.




Happy Holidays. Peace. Out.

Yes, I Do Like to Gamble, Drink, Sleep Around And I Am A Liberal. Thank You, Totally Random DNA Combination.

Recent studies have indicated that people who are more promiscuous and like to have uncommitted one night stands have a particular gene (the "Slutty Gene") that has also been linked to drinking and gambling addiction and political liberalism. That's me! The only parameter I miss is in the loving horror and gore (not Al) films. I'm not big on those.

All I can say is "Thank you, big gene lottery in the sky!" I kinda like me this way. At least I don't have the high level of disgust gene that is prevalent in Tea Baggers.

So, when you shack up this weekend with a less than ideal partner, just remember, it's the dopamine receptors and not really your lack of moral clarity.

Peace. Out.

Fired For Having A Good Playlist and Arrested For Waxing Your Wand At A Harry Potter Movie. Police State Run Amok. And Then There's Cats.

You sports fans out there know that Auburn and Alabama played in the "Iron Bowl" last weekend. You also know that they are bitter rivals and unless you have been running from a Wikileaks prosecution, you know that Auburn's quarterback, Cam Newton, has been under investigation because, allegedly, his dad (a minister) solicited money to influence him to play at Auburn. Since Cam is an incredible athlete and is probably going to win the Heisman Trophy (unless Auburn gets the death penalty before then), his is a very polarizing situation. So, when a creative Alabama staffer played the following music on the public address system before the game last Saturday, it was appreciated by all Alabama fans and unsurprisingly, got the poor staffer fired. The music:

The other miscarriage of justice was a guy that was found to be rubbing one out on the back row of a Harry Potter movie was arrested. He obviously misunderstood the rule about waving your wand around.

And then there is the cat patty-cake video that is prevalent on Facebook. This blog is not opposed to cute cat videos and really likes cute and funny cat videos. Hence:

Peace. Out.